1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear
us bitching about you leaving it down.
2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
3. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
4. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons
guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
7. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
8. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work.Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!!
15. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
16. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
17. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
18. A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
19. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the #### they're saying anyway.)
20. Check your oil.
21. It is in neither your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
22. Anything we said 6 months or 6 years ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null
and void after 7 days.
23. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
24. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
25. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.
26. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
27. If it itches, it will be scratched.
28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
29. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
For all the men who like to send blonde jokes.....the paybacks are here!
1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take
to do the dishes? Both of them.
2. Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut.
3. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't
stop and ask for directions.
4. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys
two cases of beer.
5. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds
eventually will mature.
6. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
7. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We
don't know. It has never happened.
8. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good
looking? They all already have boyfriends.
9. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every
night? A widow.
10. When do you care for a man's company? When he owns it.
11. Why are married women usually heavier than single women? Single
women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed, married
women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
12. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Tape the remote control
between his toes.
13. What did God say after creating man? "I must be able to do better
than THAT!".
14. What did God say after creating Eve? "Practice makes perfect".
15. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in
common? They're all married.
16. Man says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful? "God
says, "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you
make her so dumb? "God says, "So she would love you!".
