1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
    Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow.
    Do not walk beside me either.
    Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
 
 2. It's always darkest before dawn.  So if you're going to steal your
    neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
 
 3. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
 
 4. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
    car payments.
 
 5. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
    That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have   
    their shoes.
 
 6. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
 
 7. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and
    he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
 
 8. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was worth   
    it.
 
 9. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.
  
 10. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes
     from bad judgment.
 
 11. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.
 
 12. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 
 13. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on   
     the same night.